Ok. Ill tell you why.

Throughout my youth, I’ve always been plagued with tragedies and heartache.
Growing became just a series of events that made me hate life and everything thing about.

The month after I finished high school, I immediately started working, and I found myself constant thinking “is this it?”
My life felt so lonely, empty and meaningless (and truth be told I still feel that way often.)

Then in 1998 I won a competition. An all expenses paid trip for two to see The Smashing Pumpkins in concert in New York City….(I’ve also just realized Im wearing the concert t-shirt I bought there today)

Wow…

What followed was a mad rush to organize a passport, visas etc.
I didn’t really have a close enough friend to ask to come with me, but someone I thought who would be perfect was my older cousin. (I was working with him at the time, so seeing him every day, we became more than family, we became friends.)

It was all set.

The day we left was also the day another family member died. So the mood was miserable. But by now I’d grown used to people dying around me.

Tragedy aside. The biggest most important 7 days of my life was about to begin.

Everything was a first.
Going to the airport
Travelling on a plane.
Refueling on a dodgy island .
Arriving at JFK airport
Being searched to get into the country.
Stepping out that airport into a different country
Taking ride.
Being taken to the wrong hotel.
Arriving at the right hotel but being too early to check in.
The looking at each other awkwardly when we realized how the tax driver had ripped us off
Breakfast at Wendy’s
Battling to understand New Yorker’s accents.
Seeing the sights that you only see in movies.
Walking the Streets of New York
Seeing Time Square at night
Going to Madison Square Garden
Falling asleep during the Pumpkins concert due to jetlag.
Taco Bell
Dunkin Doughnuts
Seeing Jeremy Piven, Jamie Lee Curtis around town.
Soho
Flea Markets
Getting lost in Central Park
Going down a dody alley at night.
Empire State Building
Lady Liberty

Ok ok, you get the idea.
But 10 years later I remember every step I took each day.

The day I returned. My heart and didn’t come back with me.

I became more and more of a caged animal. Restless
Over the years that followed, many more events happened that furthered my decent into depression.

My cousin that shared those memories with me took his own life.
I changed jobs 10 times. Whether I quit, got layed off, got fired or just lost interest.

I spent so much energy of various love interests to the point of exhaustion and self doubt becoming the norm for falling in love.

My home life became a burden I carry till this day.

I went through financial turmoil, and am only now recovering.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom though, I had many highs, I also achieved my goals of getting out the IT industry, making movies, hosting a TV show, working for big companies and being able to make a living as a writer. These were all quick fixes. But never long term.

Sticky tape for my heart.

Now, thanks to one of my idols (hah bad pun) I’m working for one of the biggest record companies in the world (and the biggest in South Africa) by far. I’m in my 4th year here, and the last 10 months or so have reignited my passion.

My job requires me to communicate with New York offices, to deal with indirectly musical artists that inspire me and give me hope for a way back home.

There have been so many signs lately that I am meant to go back.
Huge inspirations.
Perhaps the biggest of them all is the greatest song I’ve ever heard: “Empire State of Mind” by JayZ and Alicia Keys.
The words speak straight to my heart…and I can feel it repairing itself.
…The journey will not be easy
…The journey will not be quick.

It will however, be the greatest journey of my life.

I joked with someone the other day that I feel like an alien who crashed landed here 10 years ago, and I’ve spend all this type trying to repair my spaceship so I could go home. Then they quickly reminded me that it sounded a lot like the plot of District 9.
….I prefer to equate it to The Cat From Outer Space though….

It’s not just random series of postings musing about the world. (I have my other blog for that!)

This is a personal diary of a journey I am meant to take.
A destiny I believe in more than anything else in my life.
A love for the ages.

New York City.

What will follow is my journey from average life I live in South Africa to get back to the city I love, to a) relive memories and b) begin my life.

This may all seem like to foolish dream to most of you (in fact I know there is only one person out there who knows EXACTLY how I feel, because she feels the same way), but I think as you read the entries you will begin to understand what drives me, what ignites my passion, and why this is meant to be.

I have no doubt the journey will make us all laugh, cry, get frustrated, feel embarrassed and pushed to the point of giving up. But I will not settle. I will never give up.
TRL starts now!……ah wait…sorry that’s copyright infringement….lets try again

Put your seatbelts on folk…It’s about to get dramatic in here.